Today I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. The thunder and heavy rain woke my son up and he climbed into bed with us so I woke up too. As we hugged, half asleep, I remembered how it used to be.
My son is now almost 9 years old and his sister 6. They are at a lovely age and I have so much fun with them. They’re little and yet they aren’t babies or toddlers anymore.
As I sit here, writing this, I connect back to the time when they were younger. It’s interesting how this time feels like yesterday and also like ages ago. I remember the sleepless nights and the breastfeeding marathons when I didn’t care how or where I slept as long as I could get a few extra minutes of rest. I know this was such a challenging time and often it felt like it would never end. And at the same time I also remember the raw beauty, immense love and gratitude I felt.
Feeling so much love for someone and at the same time the dull pain as I sat there holding my sleeping baby in a really uncomfortable position.
Both magic and overwhelm.
I love Lucy’s book Moods of Motherhood because it’s so raw, so real and we need to hear these stories of pain and beauty. Becoming a mother cracked me open in ways I didn’t think were possible. As I gave birth to my son I was born again. I was high for months after going through the initiation of birth and I still remember how powerful I felt.
If I could do that, anything was possible.
So I watch the new mothers around me and I tell them how amazing they are. How lucky their children are to have them. I also tell them that the perfect mother doesn’t exist – and thank goodness for that! I don’t believe that children need perfect parents. They need us to be loving, present and see them as they are. With eyes filled with love.
As I look back on the mother I was I want to tell her to stop and rest more. That I am ok. You are ok. That doing my best is enough. To be grateful for each moment of life.
Now when I wake up after a long night’s sleep and lie in bed listening to my children preparing breakfast for my husband and I, I am grateful. Just as I am grateful for all those long nights walking up and down the steep hills in my village with a sleepless baby on my belly (or back).
These are all magical and yet so real moments in the life of a mother. A life where intense love is mixed with feelings of exhaustion and despair. Nothing has touched me as deeply as this journey into motherhood. And nothing cracks me open like the soul to soul connection with my children.
If I want to wrap up how I feel about mothering and being with my children it always comes down to this:
I am so grateful for what is, right now in this moment.
I hope you enjoyed this post and if you want to win your on copy of Moods of Motherhood and check out the other lovely contributors please visit Dreaming Aloud.net. If you have a friend who needs to read this post, please share it. Thank you!
Feeling so grateful for you, lovely soul.
PS: You are always loved, always supported.
Today’s post is part of the Moods of Motherhood blogging carnival celebrating the launch of the second edition of Moods of Motherhood: the inner journey of mothering by Amazon bestselling author, Lucy H. Pearce (published by Womancraft Publishing).
Today over 40 mothers around the world reflect on the internal journey of motherhood: raw, honest and uncut. To see a list of the other contributors and to win your own copy visit Dreaming Aloud.net